Yesterday and today have been really hard for mommy. You still have fevers, and when they look at your blood it looks like your body is starting to fight another infection. They want to go back, and remove some more stuff from your legs, because some of the tissue doesn't look so good. I have watched you get better, then worse, better then worse, and I am sick of having to see you look at me, with tears in your eyes, and not understand what is going on, and why I am not helping you. I get really mad that you have to go through this. Yesterday I just couldn't think of anything to say that was good or positive, so I didn't write anything. Today I thought I should let you know that it is ok to be angry sometimes, but the important thing is what we do with that anger. It is ok as long as we are able to let it go. Go ahead, and feel angry, and after you have felt angry, let it go. This is much easier said than done. But I am trying my hardest right now to let it go and move forward with you, even if it is so slow that it feels like we are not moving at all. I found a positve for today, it is bingo day at the hospital, and you got another blanket!!! I feel like you can never have enough blankets. Your daddy and I said that at the begining of all this that it would either make us or break us. Well I talked to your daddy, and we are both still voting for make us.
i thought bout u 3 last nit...and the heartache u must feel. I felt anger for you and sadness for you. I even cried for you! i look for your updates EVERY day. Keep your faith jess...never let that go....and yes....anger is OK to feel! and although u dont know what im going thru right now...and it doesnt come CLOSE to what you are....i want you to know...you have inspired me. You taught me SOOO Much with just one sentence you stated above....its ok to feel anger...but the important thing is...what we do with that anger...! WOW....!!!! thank you Jess...;)
ReplyDeleteGOD BLESS YOU LIL PRINCESS!
So I think you are so inspiring!! Your advice is not only good for your daughter, but anyone who reads. She is a lucky girl :)
ReplyDeleteThat is very profound. It's hard not to be angry at someone when they have the power to stop suffering and they don't, which means it is easy to get mad at God all the time. Sometimes I think, "Heavenly Father, I have faith in you. I KNOW you could fix this!" and then I feel so angry and betrayed when He doesn't. But having faith in Him means I have to have faith in His timing too. Thank you for setting such a good example for me.
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